"I will not aim for the head.
I will not carve gods.
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an answer.
Teacher is not a leper.
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
I will not call the principal "spud head".
Goldfish don't bounce.
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
No one is interested in my underpants.
I will not sell miracle cures.
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
I will never win an emmy.
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
I am not deliciously saucy.
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
I will not waste chalk.
I will not skateboard in the halls.
I will not instigate revolution.
I will not draw naked ladies in class.
I did not see Elvis.
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
Garlic gum is not funny.
They are laughing at me, not with me.
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
I will not encourage others to fly.
I will not fake my way through life.
It's potato, not potatoe.
I will not trade pants with others.
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
I will not drive the principal's car.
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
I will not sell school property.
I will not burp in class.
I will not cut corners.
I will not get very far with this attitude.
I will not belch the National Anthem.
I will not sell land in Florida.
I will not grease the monkey bars.
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
I will not do anything bad ever again.
I will not show off.
I will not sleep through my education.
I am not a dentist.
Spitwads are not free speech.
Nobody likes sunburn-slappers.
High explosives and school don't mix.
Hamsters cannot fly.
I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
I will not squeak chalk.
I will finish what I sta
Underwear should be worn on the inside.
The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
I will not torment the emotionally frail.
I will not send lard through the mail.
I will not use abbrev.
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal.
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
I will not dissect things unless instructed.
I will not hang donuts on my person.
No one wants to hear my armpits.
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface.
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far.
I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan.
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap.
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things.
I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr..
I am not certified to remove asbestos.
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
I will remember to take my medication.
The boys room is not a water park.
Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
Nerve gas is not a toy.
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism.
The First Amendment does not cover burping.
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough."
From "Famous Chalkboard Quotes of Bart"